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Ruff and Tumble

  Invasion of the Goblin Horde

  Royston Wood

  Copyright 2010 by Royston Wood

  The Moral right of the author has been asserted.

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior permission in writing of the publisher, or as expressly permitted by law, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on any acquirer.

  Dedication

  This book is dedicated to the memory of Boney and Bronwyn – the inspiration for Ruff and Tumble.

  Chapter One

  Invader

  Tumble watched as Ruff twitched and whimpered in his sleep. He was having another dream.

  Tumble snuggled deeper into the soft warmth of her bed. His dreams are getting more and more wild, thought Tumble. It’s since he’s started reading. I knew reading was bad for you. Especially for Ruff. He’s got too much imagination.

  Ruff’s eyeballs jerked and squirmed under his eyelids. His lips quivered as small grelpy noises slipped past them. When Ruff’s legs began to kick about, Tumble caught a glimpse of his latest book sticking out from under his bed – ‘The Goblin Horde’.

  The Goblin Horde! No wonder he’s kicking. His dreams will be full of monsters. And I bet he’ll be Righteous Rufus, ready to rescue everyone.

  And I’ll have to put up with hearing all about it!

  Pah! Right Doofus is more like it!

  Then Tumble had a mischievous thought. She grinned and waited for Ruff’s fidgety sleep to calm down. Ruff’s breathing slowed and his legs stopped twitching. Tumble leant over and shouted in Ruff’s ear,

  “Goblins Ruff, Goblins!”

  Ruff leapt straight up into the air. He landed on his paws and skittered about on the carpet shouting at the top of his voice,

  “Alarm! Alarm! We are under attack! Defend the borders! Barricade the doors! To arms!! To arms!!!”

  Tumble smirked as the Pack Leader burst out of the Big Bed Room door dragging his dressing gown on.

  “Pesky dogs! Can’t you wait until the alarm goes off before barking the house down? Anybody would think we were under attack or something,” the Pack Leader muttered as he crossed the upstairs hallway where Ruff and Tumble slept.

  “But we are under attack,” insisted Ruff, spinning on the spot and barking as loudly as he could.

  The Pack Leader opened the gate at the top of the stairs and the two dogs charged down. In a flash they were through the lounge and he heard a double clunking thud thud as they charged into the garden through the dog flap in the kitchen door.

  By the time the Pack Leader reached the kitchen, Ruff and Tumble were back inside. He rubbed his sleepy eyes and looked at the two dogs. Tumble, or Thumbelina to give her her full name, was a short legged, brown and white Corgi. She had a very smug grin on her face this morning. Rufus, Ruff for short, was a very shaggy, black Scottish Terrier. He was looking a bit jittery.

  As he took their food bowls from the wobbly pile of washing up, the Pack Leader wondered what went on inside their tiny heads. Probably not much!

  “So, what do you want to eat dogs? What would you like for breakfast this fine morning?” the Pack Leader asked. He asked the same question every morning. And then he always said, “How about Snozzle and gravy? Yum!”

  They had tried out a number of answers to this question. “We’d rather have fish and chips.” “What about a nice juicy bone?” “I’d rather eat my own bottom.” But they always ended up with Snozzle and gravy.

  Snozzle wasn’t as exciting as it sounded either. It was just a fancy name for the dried, tasteless biscuits they had to eat.

  The Pack Leader plonked their bowls on the floor before them. Ruff gave his bowl a sniff in the hope that it would be full of chicken or beef. He wrinkled his nose in disappointment: it was Snozzle and gravy.

  Thirty seconds after their food bowls hit the floor they were empty. A slightly fuller Ruff and Tumble clunked through the Doggy Doorway into the garden. There they laid down under a bush for Forty Winks in the morning sunshine.

  Tumble was just drifting off to sleep when the shaggy black mound that was Ruff suddenly sprouted legs and rose up. Growling from deep inside, he spun and charged back into the house through the Doggy Doorway. Tumble sighed and closed her eyes again.

  Poopscoops!

  Ruff had forgotten his guarding duties. As Pack Protector, it was his job to make sure nobody invaded the Pack Lands. Tumble was also supposed to help but she never did.

  One particular invader tried to attack nearly every morning and now Ruff was late; skidding through the kitchen he turned into the lounge and leapt upon the Big Soft Comfy Thing. Scrambling onto the top of the back cushion he was just in time to see his enemy passing in front of the window.

  His growl, which had been a low rumbling up until now, got faster and faster and louder and louder until it exploded into barking. Shouting and cursing at the top of his voice he tried to scare the invader off.

  Bark bark bark!

  It didn’t work. The invader even had the cheek to wave through the window at him.

  Grrr!

  Ruff hopped up and down in rage and threatened to bite the invader on the butt – and anywhere else he could reach!

  Ignoring him, the invader headed towards the front door. Ruff leapt to the floor and charged off to defend it. He was about to tell the invader what else he would do to him if he tried to get in, when a big pile of letters dropped onto his head.

  Spinning round and round in frustration, Ruff heard the invader crunch his way down the gravel path at the side of the house. You’re not getting away that easily!

  Racing back through the house he clattered out of the Doggy Doorway and charged across

  the garden to the back fence, just in time to see the invader walking out of the Pack Lands. Whistling! He’s whistling!

  Ruff continued to snarl and bark until the invader finally entered the Pack Lands next door.

  Bark bark bark!!

  Ha! I’ve done it. I’ve chased him off. Ruff 1 Invaders 0.

  He trotted over to join Tumble who was still lying under the bush.

  “I’ve chased him off!” Ruff announced as he lay down next to Tumble.

  “Who?” asked Tumble, frowning as she turned her head to look at Ruff.

  “The invader. I’ve beaten off his attack. Driven him away. Saved the Pack Lands once more.”

  “It’s just the postman.”

  “No! He might look like a postman but ...”

  “It’s a postman. You can tell by the way he brings the post,” interrupted Tumble.

  “I think he’s a Goblin!” exclaimed Ruff.

  “Goblin!? He doesn’t look anything like a goblin.”

  “That’s because he’s in disguise.”

  “In disguise! Don’t be stupid. You only think he’s a goblin because of your book.”

  “What book?” asked Ruff, defensively.

  “The book you’re reading – that Goblin Horde thing.”

  “It’s got nothing to do with my book,” muttered Ruff. “He’s a Goblin invader!”

  “So what happens in your book then?” asked Tumble.

  Ruff looked at Tumble to make sure it was really her. She’d never shown any interest in his books before.

  “Oh right!” he began, all eagerness now. He reached into his Back Pocket and fumbled around.


  Not many people know that dogs have Back Pockets. But they do. They keep all sorts of useful things in them. Like torches, penknives and bits of old bone.

  After rummaging around a bit Ruff pulled out his book. He started flicking through the pages, which wasn’t very easy with paws. “There’s this big horde, or army, of goblins on the border that are about to invade the Fantasy Realm. All the Knights rush to the border...”

  “There we are. See?” interrupted Tumble.

  “See what?” asked Ruff.

  “Your book is about goblin invaders and now you think the postman is a goblin trying to invade our Pack Lands.”

  Ruff frowned. “He is a Goblin invader,” he snapped.

  “No he isn’t!”

  “Yes he is!”

  “No he isn’t!”

  “Yes, he is and you’d realise it if you spent more time defending the Pack Lands and less time sleeping or worrying about how you look!!!”

  “One is a Royal Princess and one has to worry about how one looks. You are a servant and do not understand,” sniffed Tumble with her nose in the air.

  Ruff fumed. He had never understood this. Tumble claimed that she was a Royal Princess, lost at birth. The Palace was going to send for her soon. Or so she says! And she said that Ruff had been brought to the Pack Lands to be her servant.

  “Understand?” queried Ruff. “What I don’t understand is why you think you are a Princess just because you’re a stupid Corgi!”

  “One is a Princess!”

  “Well, he is a Goblin invader. So there,” said Ruff, sticking his tongue out.

  Having won the argument Ruff shoved his book in his Back Pocket, shut his eyes and drifted off for a quick Forty Winks.